


Ten Seconds

by jookyunpie



Category: SF9 (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Gen, Hwitae - Freeform, One Shot, Poetry, Romance, i have a hc of rowoon being asexual and this is not related to the story but i need you to know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-17
Updated: 2019-04-17
Packaged: 2020-01-15 09:46:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18496423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jookyunpie/pseuds/jookyunpie
Summary: Hwiyoung spent three years chasing Taeyang, but all it took was ten seconds for their orbits to finally cross.





	Ten Seconds

The sound of thunder filled his ears, like the rolling of waves would fill a drowning man’s. It was something that could only be drowned out by the erratic beating of his heart; it was the sound that send the premature electricity sparking down his back, as his whole body waited for the forks of lighting to tear apart the sky. Every shift of air, every crunch of gravel under footsteps sent his heart stumbling. It felt like every little thing was setting fire to his synapses.

 

He didn’t know why every one of his senses suddenly woke up. It was three in the morning, and even though he knew he was a light sleeper, the sound of soft thunder shouldn’t have kept him from going back to sleep. The raindrops punched at the windows, refracting the light from the streetlamps into patterns across his ceiling, filling his room with a kind of silent noise that made the pounding of his blood through his head even louder.

 

He held his breath, and felt the other fill the room with soft breathing and gentle snores. He lay still, and felt the movement of another body beside his, as the sleeping boy turned over, burrowing deeper into what he had mistaken to be a pillow, fingers sliding under what his mind - drowned in sleep - had interpreted to be a pillow cover.

 

No, it wasn’t the rain keeping Hwiyoung awake.

 

It was the weight of Taeyang’s head on his chest, the sensation of his fingers skimming the skin under his shirt. It was the webs of electricity that erupted across his whole chest that made sure to jolt his heart dangerously. It was the heat of his body mingling with Taeyang’s fighting the pre-winter cold. It was Taeyang’s mere presence in the room that was so overpowering, Hwiyoung wanted to stay awake just to experience every bit of the moment.

 

The day had been messy enough and Hwiyoung knew he had had a lot of things to do. He had gone grocery shopping with Inseong (Inseong was very particular about weekly visits to the grocer’s), then gone to the gym with Jaeyoon (Jaeyoon just ate and watched him suffer), and some other things in between. They were escaping his mind now. His thoughts were running fast, breezing past the many things on his list of activities, anxious to get to the best part of the day: Taeyang’s odd request to wait for him outside his workplace and walk him home. Hwiyoung, without hesitating, had said yes. Because that’s just the way he was.

 

A couple other things had happened that day. It had rained. Hwiyoung hated the cold weather, he hated having to carry a rubber coat, or carry an umbrella, and he hated the puddles splashing up at his ankles. He hated the raindrops that went into his mouth or wet his hair or the mud that stained the rims of his jeans. But that wasn’t what he remembered.

 

He remembered the dark strands of Taeyang’s hair sticking to his warm honey-tinted skin, the fringe that fell over his beautiful sharp eyes and curtained it in dark wet locks. He remembered Taeyang’s sweat-stained collar submitting to the force of the sky’s tears. He remembered Taeyang smiling, with both rows of teeth on full display, raindrops on his pink lips and his eyes scrunched to half their size with wrinkles stretching over his cheekbones and the skin on the bridge of his nose wrinkling too. He remember the rain-drenched nose scrunches whenever the raindrops fell on Taeyang’s face, the raindrops that found his long lashes and settled like constellations. Through the grey-washed city streets, the mudstained pavements, Taeyang still shone like a spot of bright colour on a monochromatic canvas.

 

He remembered the countless conversations he had had with Inseong regarding this.

 

“It’s obvious,” Inseong kept saying.

 

“Okay,” Hwiyoung would reply curtly.

 

“It’s been three years,” Inseong would then press, impatiently, scrutinising Hwiyoung over the rims of his glasses, daring the younger boy to challenge him.

 

Hwiyoung would say nothing.

 

***

 

Falling in love felt exactly what it sounded like - falling. Taking a risk. Like some stupid trust exercising, expecting the other person to catch you. People said if you found a good person, you’d be flying. Hiwyoung said you could never tell and if you fell hard and fast enough, it would feel like you’re flying. Hwiyoung was bad at taking risks. Hwiyoung was afraid.

 

Maybe that was why it was taking so long. Yes, it had to be why it had taken so long. Hwiyoung was stuck in this constant circle of denial, where he was stuck on this treadmill, trying to run away from something but the world seemed to be turning just as fast to make sure everything else caught up with it.

 

Everything caught up with him on a New Year’s Eve.

 

He had been drinking that evening, even though he knew he shouldn’t have. He wasn’t terribly drunk, but drunk enough to feel like the ground beneath him was liquid and the people crowding in the backyard of the large house. Every sound felt like someone had gone at his head with a sledgehammer and his whole body was suddenly burning with heat. He felt every heartbeat and every pulse of blood under his skin. He literally felt like someone had pushed a bag of heroin under his nose.

 

His friends were all dispersed. He had lost sight of Youngbin, and the Dawon, the only person he was remotely comfortable with was also nowhere to be seen. His family was the host of the party anyway, so Dawon would have been busy. Inseong had left early, and Chani hadn’t even come.

 

Hwiyoung was sentimental, but he was stuck in a constant battle trying to fight away any form of attachment. Nothing in life was permanent and good things just sparked paranoia and suspicion in him. Everything good came at a cost, and Hwiyoung wasn’t sure if he was going to be able to pay the price.

“You’re really the life of the party.”

 

“I hate parties,” Hwiyoung replied, as Taeyang joined him. Not totally a lie. He only hated parties when he was forced to go even if he didn’t want to. “They’re not really fun anyway,” He said.

 

“It’s New Year’s.”

 

“I don’t care,” Hwiyoung said, sliding his hands into his pockets. “I want to go home.” Even as he said that, his eyes were tearing up, and his body was burning up. His stomach was twisting weirdly and the floor was moving with it. He was feeling the buzz of the alcohol like a hot punch in his conscience.

 

“You’ll miss the countdown,” Taeyang pointed out, only adding the fuel to Hwiyoung’s fire. Taeyang kept giving him reasons to say, and as gentle and pleading as his voice was, it felt like every word he said sent a bullet through Hwiyoung’s ribs. It was getting painful listening to his voice, and not only because Hwiyoung was facing the aftereffects of three too many glasses. Maybe the pleas sounded fake to him.

 

No one had ever asked Hwiyoung to stay around. Hwiyoung wasn’t good with people. He was like a storm, plunging into a friendship with an enthusiasm like a candle; he set himself on fire, doing his best to prove it to everyone else that he was worth having around. Unfortunately, the candle burned out and they always found their own light anyway. Then, Hwiyoung would realise - they had never needed his light anyway.

 

He did them the favour of walking away. No one asked him to stay, he didn’t expect them to. If only it was that easy to walk away from himself. If only it was that easy to walk away from Taeyang.

 

“You can greet New Year’s for me,” Hwiyoung pressed on.

 

“What if I want to greet New Year’s _with_ you?”

 

Hwiyoung froze.

 

Taeyang was still staring expectantly at him, his eyes shining with an unironic silent plea. They locked gazes and if eyes could speak, Hwiyoung could hear everything Taeyang wanted to say but couldn’t, and all the feelings that remained unsung behind his throat. Suddenly, guilty, Hwiyoung looked away, his face warm.

 

“I’m not here to stay,” Hwiyoung said. He didn’t explicitly state it, but Taeyang seemed to realise that Hwiyoung wasn’t just referring to the party.

 

“No one ever is,” Taeyang said, “But it’s up to us to make the best of this moment where we’re here together.”

 

“Define, ‘Make the best’,” Hwiyoung said, trying to pull away but moving in closer, as if resisting Taeyang’s gravity was only making it stronger.

 

“Maybe if you stayed twenty more seconds, you’d see.”

 

The air was filled with electric anticipation so powerful, Hwiyoung’s ears were popping. Following the ringing in his ears was the strong pulses of time passing by slowly, as if he was underwater, surrounded by a crowd that was waiting to greet another 365 days with blind hopes and dreams of better months and a fulfilling year. Youngbin was waiting with recording camera to catch the fireworks over the river, Rowoon was standing on the table with a bottle of champagne ready.

 

“Tell you what,” Taeyang said, “I’ll leave these ten seconds to you, but after the tenth second…”

 

Hwiyoung got the message.

 

Ten. This year had been another lonely one, days spent listening to the echoes of his heartbeats down the empty corridors of his heart.

 

Nine. This year had been almost empty, and as vacant as he could imagine.

 

Eight. The tunnel had been a dark and never-ending one.

 

Seven. Hwiyoung wanted to go home, but he had never found one.

 

Six. The four walls of his room were a cage, and bred claustrophobia.

 

Five. Hwiyoung wanted the loneliness to end. No one had come.

 

Four. The maze he was stuck in had no solution.

 

Three. He wanted someone to burn as bright for him as he did for them.

 

Two. He was burning out.

 

One. He burned out.

 

Taeyang’s lips came on his as suddenly as the popping of the champagne bottle and and tasted just as strong of the stuff. Hwiyoung wished he could have had a better reaction that would have hinted at him what to do, but suddenly, Taeyang’s presence was overpowering and left no room for any other thought - the strong scent of his cologne, the tang of strawberry champagne, the remaining taste of too much whipped cream and something that tasted like French vanilla coffee. Taeyang was every exotic scent and taste in one. Under his fingertips, Hwiyoung’s skin felt like it had caught fire.

 

His head was filled with adrenaline, his synapses were on fire, and every empty space between his heartbeats was filled with his heart singing Taeyang’s name. It was an electrifying rush that carried through every inch of his skin and made stars explode on the back of his eyelids. When they settled, the only constellation he saw was Taeyang.

 

He was a meteoroid caught in Taeyang’s atmosphere, burning up a trail in his wake, his course set for the only planet in his sight, aiming for its very centre, hoping to find its home in the very heart of this celestial body.

 

By the time their kiss dissolved in the champagne, Hwiyoung had already punched through his target.

 

***

 

Hwiyoung yawned, feeling the warm darkness of his room envelope his skin like saran wrap. His mouth was still filled with the vivid taste of the champagne from that night; it was a memory his whole body had never forgotten. Truth be told, if he could go back to that day, he would have kissed Taeyang longer.

 

He turned over, his body curving over Taeyang’s as the two of them fit together like puzzle pieces. Their legs were tangled, their body heat mixing and thickening the air like honey.

 

This time, in place of ‘good night’, he said, “I love you.”

 

As he dissolved into his dream of champagne and fervent kisses, he thought he heard Taeyang’s voice repeat it.

 

_“I love you too.”_

**Author's Note:**

> twitter: snugglemingyu


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